The Early Years

Shai was born in 1975 on the Eastern tip of Russia, from where he could see Alaska, and thus immediately had foreign policy experience. His father, Elvis Presley was taken by aliens back to his home planet when Shai was only 2 years old. His mother, Oprah Gail Winfrey, had recently left for the United States to try to win a Daytime Emmy, and so his grandmother, pictured on the right, raised him on their family farm.

Shai was happy growing up. He found great comfort in his daily horse-back ride in the Russian outback. One day he was met by 3 lost circus performers, who asked him if there was a village nearby. The shortest of the men challenged him to a battle of wits. To the death. He accepted.

Travelling

To avoid the murder charge, Shai travelled for a bit. On the left he is seen standing in a field.

Meeting Future Self

When Shai was 25, he was beamed 80 years into the future, where he met his future self (pictured here on the right). They spoke of the good times they had shared, and then the future self had to take a nap, at which point they parted ways.

Reincarnation

According to several prominent Indian mystics, Shai will be reincarnated as a Coypu (pictured to the left).

For a boring version of Shai's bio, go here.